Stalker

So, I've spent the past hour or so searching for things about Hodge on the internet. Maybe this is creepy, but I wanted to find some things that maybe he'd done and not told me about. Like a new band website or something like that.

Honestly this break-up thing is harder than I'd imagined. I thought it was supposed to get easier as time goes on. Every time I seem his picture I get this ache in my chest, like something really important to my life is missing...someone is missing in my life. Hodge, this isn't easy for either of us. I wish there was a way you could forgive the things that I've said and allow us to work together and make our relationship work. I've made many mistakes in my life and apparently I'm not getting any better at making my own decisions.

Anyway, I found this old blog of his and his ex-gf (she seemed kinda like a psycho Hodge---you know the blog I'm talking about) from about 4 years ago. You've been able to forgive people for some pretty awful things and you've been stronger than I think I could ever be.

I don't know if you are going to read this, think about this or even think of me.
Maybe you are going to think I'm a total nut job (not far from the truth) that I would blog about my feelings like I'm a 15 year old kid again. Truth is, I don't know where to turn, you always told me to write to you. Now that you're not there to receive or read my letters, who can I write to?

I wrote a song.....I'm going to put some music to it....but it's gunna take a while.

No Longer

I've felt you push away
gets harder for me each day
it hurts to know that you
no longer want me
in your arms

I want to reach through the dark
hold onto your hand
know that I want
to stand by your side

I've tried "sorry" a hundred times
made no difference in your mind
it hurts me to know
you longer want me in your heart

I reach through the dark
to hold onto your hand
I want you to know
I stand by your side

Forgetting is not an option for me
your my life, and always will be
but baby, it hurts me now
how could you let me go?

So I tell you to... ...

Reach through the dark
and hold onto my hand
I want to always be
forever by your side, forever in your heart, forever... forever...




Okay that's sappy I know. Is it the break-up me talking? Yah probably. I know its a shitty song....I can't write like Hodge can. I wish I was that talented.

Well, in my stalking of Hodge on the internet I did come across something that made me laugh and pull the heart strings a little. I found a pick of hodge when he was a few years younger. It made me laugh, cause he really hasn't changed that much....



Okay over and out :-I